so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
