I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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