I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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