Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
