You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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