its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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