i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
