never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
