Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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