I want to stick my p in your. b.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
