we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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