I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
