How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
