I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i came on her dog
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
