guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
