: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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