just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
