Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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