You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
