i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
