This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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