I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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