I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
