I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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