guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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