omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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