so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
do herpes really smell.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
