if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
