ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
