Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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