i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
