The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
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I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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