it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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