oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
