im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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