Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
