i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
