i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
