Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
