the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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