should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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