My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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