I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
