I accidentally had phone sex last night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
