i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
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The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
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Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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