This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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