How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
