What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
