Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize