Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Randomize
