If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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