I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
