I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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