look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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