Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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