my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
