My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
there's paper in my vomit.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We need to get me chipped asap
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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