It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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