mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
