too bad you live with your parents still
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
