he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
