Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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