i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
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