So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
