is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
