i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
