at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
