We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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