I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
